Tuesday, July 15, 2008


I am realizing more and more that I lack self-discipline. When I was younger, I didn't struggle with this nearly as much as I do now. Exercise is a great example. In high school, I lived for sports, and played them year-round. I was always going to practice and would often leave and head straight to the gym. I was fit and in shape, and I thrived on it. Now, I struggle with the motivation to exercise. I think part of it is that I was always involved in team sports, and I really don't like running. I used to run because it kept me in shape for my sports. But now, I just can't stand it. I try to run, and at times it is very cathartic for me (especially in the rain). But I am discovering that I am just so slow that I lose my motivation. I keep telling David that I want to run a road race so I'll have something to train for, but 2008 has been empty for me. I've averaged one race a year (5k, 10k, or duathlon) each of the past 4 years, but so far this year is a wash. I really need to work on this...

Books are another example. There have been times in my life when I was a reading machine. But now is not one of them. I like to read, and enjoy when I do, but my motivation is low. I just don't discipline myself to do it. I get easily distracted by other things (like reading people's blogs or trying to clean my house) and I don't take the time to sit and read. I even get distracted by silly things on TV because I'm tired and I sometimes view reading as work. This is probably in part because it takes a lot of effort for me to read because of my ADHD, and focusing without distraction is very challenging. Grad school for me was a major trial, although its not something I shared with a lot of people. Trying to keep up with the reading when you have the disabilities I do is tough. But so many people joke about "being ADD" that it's not worth explaining sometimes that you have it and what it really means. But enough of that tangent...this is not a post on ADHD.

Anyway, all this to say that I am realizing I need more discipline. Whether it's in prayer or fasting, reading or exercising, I am trying to do better. To start, I decided last week that I'd give up ice cream until Jeanette's b-day (8/8/08). I chose that date because it was a month away (at the time) and I knew I'd want to eat some when we celebrate that day. So I figured it would be a good test of my willpower and self-discipline.

So if you see me between now and then, ask me how I'm doing with that and with other areas of discipline in my life... just don't offer me a bowl of ice cream! :)

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